Tag Archives: plaid

Smuttynose “Finestkind” IPA

Hey everybody, long time no writey. Well, the Chud is a busy man with many important things on his very important plate. But, since February I believe is officially the longest and crappiest month of the year I thought it would be a good time to get back into the writing chair. Really, what the hell is wrong with February? It should no longer be named, but simply referred to as the time the Earth is really pissed off because it’s waking back up. It’s best to stay indoors and just leave the planet alone until it gets some coffee and a bagel. The average workweek should be cut in half and recreational drugs should be rationed according to general public need. I think we can all agree this is a better plan than the current system.

By the way, thank you Egypt for letting us all see how much more fucked we have to get before we finally revolt. We’re not nearly ready to do anything about anything yet so lets all relax and have a beer.

We should in fact start hoarding beer now though. While we probably don’t have much to fear from 2012 being the end of the world as we know it, there’s actually a fairly large chance we will all die in 2039 from a meteorite named, and I’m not even kidding, 99942APOPHIS. It has about a 3% chance of obliterating the western half of the US. Take that pilgrimage to Stone Brewing while you still have a chance.

Anyway, the beer of the night is Smuttynose IPA from Smuttynose brewing out of New Hampshire. They’re a new addition to the line up at Friar Tuck’s and it’s a beer I’ve always heard good things about in print. There are two old farmer looking bastards on the label thinking they are the hot shit Bartles and James guys of the beer world sitting in front of a trailer. I don’t know what the point of this is as I highly doubt these guys would be caught dead drinking anything other than canned bubbling corn water. I’ll chalk it up to marketing gone wrong but if these two happy assholes are drinking it I can be goddamn sure it’s not ten bucks a six pack. On the bottom of the bottle it says “Finestkind.” According to their website it’s Finestkind IPA, though on the box it clearly says Smuttynose IPA. Hmmm… Methinks someone is getting really high while arranging this stuff. I don’t get it.

Luckily the beer has obviously had much more attention paid to it than the job someone’s unemployable stoner cousin is doing they hired for marketing. This is simply a wonderful beer. It’s flashing your normally expected deep golden hue, and looks even prettier due to the fact it’s unfiltered and still has a little funk in the trunk from the bottom of the bottle. In honor of the two manure spreaders on the bottle I won’t talk about the foo-foo lacing.

It’s very hoppy, and gives you a good dose of kick in that area, but it still feels very mellow. It’s a laid back beast with a very plush mouth feel to it. The slower you drink this the more satisfying it actually is. Maybe there’s something strangely archetypal about these plaid clad geriatrics after all that relates to the beer. You know rough around the edges but good natured and fun to talk to. They still make comments about wops, gays, and coloreds, but aren’t really racist, just too old to know it’s no longer acceptable to use those terms. You nod and smile because you know they’ll be dead and you’ll be getting their shit or will have to haul it away soon anyway.

So there you have it. It has hoppy goodness yet is still very smooth and refreshing. It packs a punch but still hugs you after and buys the next round. I still don’t think the old guys would drink it but I’ll probably being picking up another when the weather turns. This stuff has all the makings of the perfectly refreshing spring and summer beer. I would highly recommend picking some up.

4 out of 5 I.B.U.’s